Home Truths

Apparently,

I write better than I draw.

Thats the ultimate compliment,

 the overpoweringly orangely garishly pungent marigold garland of policitian fame,

for a writer.

No problem.

Very flattered, thenks.

Except that I'm supposed to well

be a designer

an artist

sometimes a lost cause

other times just a visual person.

Apparently,

I can draw better pictures with words.

It's on Loop.

I'm so lost that it's wonderful and not asking to be found.

Lost like

Songs on loop about the sea and and finding the stairway to higher hopes.
Finding a way to the ocean after wanting it for a year.
Air travelling into one ear and out another one.
Burrowing into comfort.
A lot of chai all at once.
A really long movie that felt less like a speech and more like a lyric.
People appearing like a cloud of smoke and dis-apparating right before brain freeze.
A line of books ready to be drank into skin,lined up on a clean shelf.
Consumerism over comedy.
Foolish frivolous talk without the alcohol kick.
Headphones is ignorance is bliss.
Treetops over very deep blue brightening skies.
Eyeball seeking dark room in bright house windows closed.
Writing today because inkpot is brimming.

So lost that I dont ask you to find me with a blissful smile.

Dear New Year Fairy...

Dear New Year fairy,
You are a product of my own imagination. As with most products, your functionality is baseless apart from your consumers' personal inadequencies and unfulfillments.We'd like to call it wishful thinking.
Since Xmas was uneventful and I gave up on feeling Herr Klaus's Xmas love the minute I left home, you're the only one I can write my wish list to.
The below agendas will make me a better person and a happier,more peaceful one at that.I predict that I'll become wiser in ways I can't imagine by engaging myself in things that I love and believe in.
I'm a strong believer in personal intuition and hate structured planning.So here goes.

1.Start finishing my graphic novel.The course I waited for too long for is over,and I need to keep this story alive for a very personal reason.
2.Listen to the lyrics of songs I frequently play.Its a revelation.Despite the fact that Im sorely tempted to just interpret them any way I want to.
3.Spend time at Byllakuppe, the Tibetan settlement enroute to Coorg.I get a short lived sense of peace rekindled by the feeling of slow-burning excitement in the pit of my stomach,every time we stop by.I'll do my dream project there.
4.Run my finger along the curve where the tree trunk coils,and sinks smoothly into the earth.I forgot how much I loved doing that.
5.A week at Auroville. With someone I love and respect for all their kinks.The coast,kilns,heavenly bakeries nd fascinating people there call.
6.Grow my hair till it resembles overgrown tendrilly vines licking at my bangles.The poor locks were shorn this summer and are still undergoing emotional trauma.They need respite.
7.Worship work. It distracts when you need it to.
8.Write more. It nourishes me. You need to keep doing things to remind yourself that you're alive.
9.Value the people I dont value nearly enough.And perhaps feel less,for those I regard by virtue of their status in various contexts and not for whom they dont project themselves as.
10.Laugh more.And hold that feeling inside,like tightly winding an escaping balloon's string around your finger.
11.Work more for Film Club. It's so much bigger than a free audi screening.
12.Not think about thinking too much because it all just adds up. I keep discovering exactly how much one can layer thoughts over thoughts. Chunky Bakery puffs are healthier!
13.Smell the rain!
14.Love aloneliness. Not loneliness,that can stay for the poetry and the blue funks on sunday evening. Aloneliness is letting go and liking yourself and feeling the presence of many strange and beautiful elements in the little bubble hemisphered world around you.
Amen,
it's not too much to ask now,is it?

I like to See.

Thats why I like watching scenary the most.
A sheet of graying ocean,rippling broadly as a tremendous universe shifts beneath it.
A long,long green landscape with the blue Nilgiris rising stealthily,heavily,from a bed of mist.
The ring roads that border metropolises for miles.I can forget that lives were destroyed so that my Ford can be the queen of the highway and zip past on fuel weathered wings.
Trees,silhouetted and black,outside the orange rimmed window.Dusk brings out harsh cries and whirring wings.
I dont need glasses or lenses or any other impairments to help me translate forms that make sense.
I can awaken from travel-induced sleep and peer through the glass and feel significantly joyful.
I can forget(and who doesnt like to?)that the rain feels far,far better misting my face than it does to merely look at.

Death is the road to Awe

I am the road to awe,not death.

Awe is too far away for death to reach,though they both had the same beginnings.

The road is just a road,and scuffs the burnt souls of your feet,bruises your lips,clouds your eyes,and cocoons your heart.

But I still walk the road to awe,and death smoothly hushes behind.

Speedy Gonzalez and I

I am the cat on the moon.
I am the sea that bordered my neighbourhood when I was young,that clamoured with ship-lights and spilt harsh grey into the blue horizon.
I am a hundred years and a thousand unspoken words all into one.
I am the deepest trenches of a split,quartered and seamed heart,rustling with dry leaves and strumming the wind.
I am a small,inobtrusive bundle of letters in a rain-chewed notebook with a picture of a cat in a fishbowl on it.
I am an armful of glass,bone,silver and plastic bangles that spell a lullaby for every godforsaken morning I wake up to.
I am a believer in the eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.The ideology of a million spot reduced to nothingness.
I am the song that flew into my window this morning,and settled in a cloud of dust.
I am that layer of brown which paints the inside of a bone-white china tea-cup.
I am the Mean Green Amrikan Switt Corn eating machine.
I am constantly put off by battalions of che gueveras asking me "Why so serious?" when the Dark Knight released a few meaningless centuries ago.

I am here and you are there,and my words go into nowhere with the rush of Speedy Gonzalez....